Blink One-Eighty-who? Are you fucking kidding me?

Seriously.

I was flipping through the channels and landed on a new familial reality show on MTV.

Ozzy and the Hooligans? No.
The Continuing Adventures of Dumb-Ass and Dumber-Ass?
(Read: Newlyweds: The Jessica & Nick Simpson Show)? No.
Me sitting around in my underwear wearing a bowler hat and smoking huge, Fidel Castroesque heaters? No.

The stupid drummer from Blink-182 (according to the promos, his name is Travis Barker -- hey, don't ask me) has his own show that follows him and his trophy wife as they plan their wedding.

P.S. Not really that much of a trophy. To be perfectly honest, judging by the fact that she appears to have two kids by two different dads (one of them Travis) and -- as I said -- is currently planning her wedding with him, she appears to be bit of a slut-whore.

Now, I ask you this without a bit of irony: Is not Armageddon surely upon us.

Hold it right here. I am about to vomit on my pants and then wring out the puke into any one of my face-holes.

Why? Guess what followed this monstrossi-fucking-ty? "Trippin'" a.k.a. The Cameron Diaz travel show.

Apparently, Cam and her friends travel around (the world, I reckon) with a camera crew and not nearly enough Percoset™ for me to watch and realize why I have not killed myself yet.

Suddenly, my brother-in-law switches over to E! Entertainment Television. Guess what's on? Gastineau Girls!

Who? The ex-wife of former NY Jet Mark Gastineau and his spoiled brat of a daughter?

Please God, kill me now or put me into some sort of vegetative state I don't have nearly enough legal paperwork for.  ¶ 9:27 PM